Journal Entry: Sunday, February xi, 2001 (Intro #5)

Mon, 19 Sep 2005 19:53:39 GMT

My apologies for too long an absence between updates. Daily life insinuates itself between my best wishes and me.

But now, for a glimpse under a leaf—a page of my journal written the day of my first experience of the Divine Liturgy. I had hoped that it might convey some bit, some small essence of the impact those 150 minutes had upon me. But it seems I retreated to the intellect, recording thoughts and sensing towards conclusions rather than yielding up the images with which my head was reeling.

So be it! This is what it is—I was what I wrote, in all the insufficiency it exhibits.

Today L—— and I visited the Church of the Holy Ascension. I believe, perhaps, that it was a catalytic moment & decision. For it was an act of the will, but also, perhaps, an act of Grace. The priest said to us that there are no coincidences: either by God's permission or by God's will.

People today, notably the Coveyites, speak of "changing one's paradigm." It would seem that just such a thing is being brought about here.

I believe that I have been lead at last to the church, my soul's home in the body of Christ. This thought is not without anxiety; I worry that perhaps, L—— will not finally agree with me on this. I know that it will be ill-received by my parents and to a lesser degree our friends.

Ultimately, however, I must be obedient to the leading of the Holy Spirit.

Everything at last falls into place and the world, even the Heavenly world, the Kingdom of Heaven, becomes "right". The puzzle piece that did not fit becomes the center-piece around which the whole puzzle falls into place. The corner-stone that was laid aside is the crowning foundation stone.

Orthodoxy was not made for me… I was made for it, that I might at last recognize my place within the body of Christ—his bride.

How little have I known God?!

Knowing the circuitous path I have traveled I see in the very beginning the elements which resulted in my later struggles. But perhaps it was all unavoidable—we must walk from where we stand and not fantasize about some better starting point.

Anabasis: An Emerging Expedition

Journal Entry: Sunday, February xi, 2001 (Intro #5)